so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
