only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
