i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
