They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
