Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
