i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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