Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
