I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
