If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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