Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
