I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I stole a fireplace last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
