he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
