we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
