Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
