covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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