so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
