Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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