If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize