You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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