goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
