we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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