New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
