There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
