Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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