I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
