im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
