You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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