Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
