you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
