When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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