My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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