I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
