i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
