I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize