You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
