On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
