I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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