It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
