super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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