Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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