When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
