Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
