I wish I could punch you in the face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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