he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
