My first STD was from a foam party
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
