Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
