youre lurking in front of me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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