I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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