If i come over, it means nothing
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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