I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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