I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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