great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
