How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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