im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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