Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize