She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
