It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
