Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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