My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mom said you looked used
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize