***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
