So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
