dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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