New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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