I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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