"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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