True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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