i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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